30 day sleep cycles

it reminds you of premenstrual cramps

when you know you haven’t bled in a while, so the time must be near.

all of the comfort was too good to be true.

you feel it coming, weighing you down, waking you up with pressure in your chest

the slight nudge reminds you that you are not safe and you were never okay in the first place.

o p e n y o u r e y e s

nudge becomes harder and your mind doubles over in pain.  it’s like your stomach is curling inwards and for once you don’t feel an urge to eat.

…oh this is bad

you don’t want to eat

but oh this is also good, that you don’t want to eat…

because you’re a pig.

take advantage of this blessing and hit the gym while you’re at it.

o p e n y o u r e y e s g i r l

nudge becomes an annoyed tug.  urging you to just hurry up and fall, stop trying to prolong the jump that you’ll eventually take

o p e n

you sleep so damn much cause you’re weak and cause you feel too damn much when you’re awake

c l o s e

tug becomes a push and push becomes shove and now you’re spiraling inside an abyss of feelings that you don’t want to face

o p e n

you’re not Dorothy tho ’cause when you finally land you’re going to shatter into a million pieces

that sheepish smile is not going to protect you and bring you home this time

not that humor not that sarcasm not this goddamn poem

c l o s e

this slumber can’t save you

i know the pillows are soft and that memory foam stops your back from aching

but one day you’re gonna feel a pain that won’t allow you to sleep anymore

o p e n

you can save yourself.

all you gotta do is walk down that yellow brick road.

all you gotta do is get some help from the good witch

all you gotta do is constantly fight off the bad witch

all you gotta do is

c l o s e

cry three times click your heels three times laugh three times and repeat

you think you’re back home and you think you are happy

but you’re really just fast asleep

o p e n y o u r e y e s g i r l ,

p l e a s e

 

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